In today’s fast-moving world, being a grandmother feels a bit like trying to hug someone through a computer screen. Sure, you can see them, hear them, but you miss out on the warmth of a real hug. This rings especially true for me as I think about my 8-year-old grandson, Adam, who's growing up so quickly over in the States. It's a whole new adventure, blending the love we've always known with the gadgets of today.

My friend Margaret shared her story with me, and it’s filled with bits that’ll make you nod, laugh, and maybe shed a tear or two. She’s seen it all, from the days before the internet to today’s world of instant messages and video calls, proving just how universal this journey is.

As I reflect on Margaret's experiences and my own longing to squeeze Adam in a bear hug, I'm reminded that while the ways we show our love have evolved, the essence of being a grandma is timeless. Our hearts don't recognize the miles or mind the screens; our love is as strong and unwavering as ever.

I hope you enjoy Margaret's wisdom and insight as much as I have. Her stories are a testament to the enduring spirit of grandmothers everywhere, adapting to the times while holding fast to the love that defines us.

BEING A GRANDMOTHER IN THE THIRD MILLENIUM 

            I became a grandmother for the first time at the tail end of the Second Millenium and then again at the beginning of the Third Millenium, so I have two grandchildren who are university students and another two who are babies.

            The only thing they have in common is that both families live abroad. So I have never been the kind of idealized grandmother who lives next door and bakes biscuits, babysits, takes over the school run and generally fills in when needed. Since I don't live near them, our contacts are necessarily curtailed to holidays and visits, phone calls and Skype conversations. And this is the kind of situation that looks set to be the pattern for the next generation at least, as young people tend more and more to move away from their home base in order to follow better work prospects. 

            I really believe that in the Third Millenium communication is the biggest problem that grandparents have to face, regarding bonding with their grandchildren. Grandparents have to make a big effort to avoid being reduced to birthday presents delivered by Amazon or a flickering image on a Skype screen (better, however, than what my poor mother got when she became a grandmother...only letters and a weekly phone call (international calls were too expensive in the '70s to permit frequent conversations). Most grandparents like me are shocked and saddened nowadays to see the ever-increasing phenomenon of non-communicating families in a restaurant with Mum and Dad scrolling down their separate mobile phones and child (or two) sitting between them absorbed in tapping away on a screen.

            We Grandmothers must reluctantly accept that the contemporary Generations Z and ALPHA are accustomed to brevity, especially with regard to intergenerational communications. Their text messages are in a sort of shorthand. I learn of their doings through Instagram. Luckily, my two are old enough to visit independently, which they do (often bringing friends and the current “steady”.

            I am so old that I don't fit into any of the new age classifications: I squeeze in (just!) between the shadowy “Silent Generation” and the exuberant “Baby Boomers”, which means I belong to an era, in their eyes, almost as remote as Jurassic Park. My advice to Grandmothers with grandchildren, teenagers and upwards, is to talk to them about things that interest them (that is, get them to do the talking!) and don't ever say that such-and-such was “better in my day”. You will bore them and they won't believe you anyway...and maybe they are right!

            Of course, it isn't only ways of communication that have changed. Grandmothers have also changed! My own Granny (in the '50s) had tightly permed grey hair, sensible flat shoes and a corset (she would leave it over a chair when she undressed at night). Instead, today's Grandmothers are often stylish blondes in fashionable clothes and high heeled shoes, who go out for lunch and to the theatre with their friends. Many of them are still working so even if they do have the good fortune to live near their offspring, they don't have the free time to dedicate to babies, toddlers or difficult teenagers.

            My granddaughter (Generation Z) raids my wardrobe when she visits and goes off wearing my clothes, which she calls “vintage”. My grandson (another Z) is very solicitous when he is with me, seeing me safely over the road (even though I assure him that I am perfectly capable of navigating zooming mopeds and electric scooters unaided).

            As far as my new Alpha Grandchildren are concerned, visits (them to me or me to them!) are short...too short. I miss the physical contact with the two new babies.  I miss the scent of soft baby hair, the weight in my arms, the new discoveries, the new words, the smiles of recognition. Babies grow and change so fast in the early years! It is sad to lose these weeks and months when you can observe a little personality beginning to unfold, practically day by day.

            However, Grandmas, don't despair! Your time will come. You are the link to the past and suddenly your grandchildren will find all that old stuff fascinating...family history, memories of forgotten events. It will take them some time. Probably they will have reached the age you are now. But even if you are still around to tell, set apart lots of written and printed evidence...old letters, family trees, holiday snapshots, reminiscences. They will be eternally grateful!

Margaret Stenhouse

Let's Share and Grow Together

What’s your story? How do you stay close to your grandkids when you can’t be there in person?

Share your stories, tips, and maybe even a few laughs about navigating this grandparenting gig in the digital age. Let’s keep the conversation going. Share your story HERE or in the comments below.

 With love and gratitude,

S.A. Sterling